Zak Spade's

I never thought my nemesis would be a dog!

Local newspaper, September 2020
as Archie Cat ("Archie’s Nemesis")

o - O - o

I live with three dogs, which isn’t a problem, as such. They know their place; one step below the humans and thousands lower than mine. Life is good.

Or it was.

One of the dogs is a Westiepoo called Finn. As dogs go he is said to be cute. Not only that but he is about my size, and I’m a small cat. He tends to wag his tail when he thinks someone is talking about him, or should be. Then he rolls on his back – sometimes in the middle of the floor out of reach of humans – so as to allow his belly to be rubbed. Crazily, from time to time one of the bipeds will get up and walk over to him and do just that!

We cats ‘wag’ our tails only if we are about to claw someone or something. So approaching one of my two-legged servants with a wagging tail makes them keep their hands away from me instead of fussing me, as they ought to be doing.

The little white dog squeaks when he yawns. When he does it the humans coo and say nice things about him. When I try it all I get are remarks about my sharp teeth and questioning whether I am trying to cough up a fur ball. As if I would allow one of my underlings to witness one of my less than elegant moments, huh!

When I am thirsty and my human puts fresh water down for me, sometimes I have to stand back while the little white monstrosity barges in and noisily slurps. Do I receive any support from said human? No, it seems that when he buries his snout in the water bowl he looks adorable. From where I end up sitting and waiting, he looks dog-like and ungainly.

Perception isn’t the only thing from which he seems to be benefiting. Like any decent cat, I shed hair. It comes out to allow my coat to renew itself so I look wonderful all the time. The small mutt, on the other hand, doesn’t shed a single strand. Consequently he gets to sit on the sofa or a lap while I am relegated to the floor. If I attempt to rub up against the legs of a visitor so as to allow them the privilege of stroking me, my tame human food provider will shoo me away!

However, when the miniature Hell Hound puts in an appearance and starts bouncing up and down, everyone pets him and he rolls on his back. Again.

I never thought my nemesis would be a dog!

© 2020

27 March 2023