Zak Spade's

We have introduced a plan to battle against surveillance

Local newspaper, August 2020
as Jago Phillips ("Rebooted")

o - O - o

How does that saying go? Ah yes, ‘the boot is on the other foot.’

We at International Democratic Interventions On Travesties Suffered have introduced a plan to battle against the ever increasing surveillance that the world’s governments are putting in place. This is something they do so as to maintain control over their citizens under the pretence of offering greater protection and general benevolence.

In our organisation we have scientists who are just as clever as those employed by covert monitoring groups set up by those who like to think of themselves as our masters. And we are working on some seriously clever stuff!

Earlier this year our super-intelligent boffins came up with a way to control the weather. The first thing we did was to think of ways to use it to aid humanity. We nearly gave the technology over to the same power-crazed elite that we detest before realising that it could be used to undermine their snooping.

Has anyone noticed the heat recently? Yes, there have been some side effects caused by it, such as heavy downpours and thunderstorms caused by the build-up of humidity resulting from our imposition of hot weather and the general geography of the UK, but overall it has been really hot and sticky.

When the temperature rises, do people don extra clothing? Did coat sales go up? Of course not! That would be silly; something our august group is anything but. What has happened has been a reduction in clothing worn as people attempt to cope with what are becoming warmer and hotter conditions. Lighter clothing tends to mean fewer pockets. In turn that leads to an inability to carry those little items that tend to be carted everywhere on our person.

If there is nowhere to keep a mobile phone, for instance, then it will need to be left at home so as to be safe. If taken out of the house, the chances are that it will be left down somewhere and forgotten. Spooks working for Whitehall will be left scratching their heads as they see what they think are citizens staying put rather than travelling. Tracking us all through mobile phone signals will no longer be possible as the little blighters are consigned to drawers and kitchen worktops instead of pockets.

You are welcome!

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20 March 2023